master cleanse.

tomorrow is my first day with the master cleanse.
i made the mixture today, and had a little taste.
it's so nasty. it doesn't even taste like lemonade.
my plan: to blog everyday about how i feel,
how much i drank and my cravings.
i decided to use my blogspot instead of tumblr
because i can go on during school.
well wish me luck! (:

pretending.

my dad told me to never cry unless someone was dead. well these days i feel like he'd dead when he just leaves like i will never know when he's going to come back. i hate it and sometimes i just cant take it anymore. it breaks my heart. i can't pretend to be happy while you not here, because its just not that fair that i can't live with my own parents. i'm not that happy and im trying to stay strong, i really am. but i don't know how long this can last.

fail.

i failed my permit test. i feel more than stupid. ugh how can i be so dumb. now i will never be able to take it again cause my dads leaving. and the worst part is that he is leaving. it hurts the most to say goodbye. why does he always come back for a few days and leave right when i need him the most. i hate living here. i wish i was older and lived on my own. life this moment sucks.

drivers permit.

YES! finally this day has come i am getting my drivers permit after school! Im kind of nervous for the test though, i don't want to fail. That would just be horrible! But after i get my permit i can take drivers ed probably in May. Well wish me luck!

school.

I hate school.

never say never.

I don't know when in life everything went wrong. From a far i had it all, my life was stable compacted. But now and days its a big mess. Everything is everywhere, kind of like my room. My clothes are always on the floor and i never seem to clean up anymore. I've been a mess for the pass couple of months. And as much as i tell my self todays the day I'm going to change, i never change. But when i woke up this morning, i felt crushed. And i realized that I chose to take this path in my life. And i believe that if i wanted to change that bad, i would of. And i don't know why i didn't want to. And this time I'm going to take the first step and fix my life. And yes i know everything wouldn't be so perfect. It's never going to be the same like it was before, but the least i can i do is try. Right? Cause i think the biggest failure in life is when you don't try and you just give up. Cause if you try you know that you gave you all and it just couldn't happen. So now what am i going to do? Well first I'm going to take a shower, then clean my room, and take the first step and fix my life. And then from there i'll just keep trying as long as I'm living I'm going to try.

Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.