frustration.

These days I'm just so frustrated, with everything really. Family, friends, boyfriend. It's like everyone likes to make everything more complicated as it seems. The are many things i don't understand, and there are things i will never understand. Like for example, why people act the way they do. Or why people like to do bad things, even if they know its bad. But i think the answer to those questions are because it makes them happy. 

There are a lot of things people in this world do that i wouldn't completely agree on. During this past week, well starting friday actually. I realized that i should be very thankful for all the things i do have in my life. Well i don't mean i actually realized that i should be thankful, but i meant it like it came back to me to think about. I thought about everything i had, that people don't get to have. Things i get to know, that people don't. Things that make you a better person. I learned that if you never do anything bad, for one you really have nothing to worry about. And another is that you should always be thankful everyday for everything. And who should you thank? We all should thank God, for everything. 

But on the other note.. On my life bases. For one family, if i could want one thing it would be a family. I mean i know that i do have one, and sure i am thankful. But what do you have from a family whose never there, ever. Who can you call Dad when he's never here and you have to call him or text him to talk to him. And a Mom you can talk to once in a while, and the only think she thinks is that your just using her. What's a brother when you can't talk to them. What's a family when you can't even talk to one another. I hate it. I honestly do. If everything could change the way i would like to see it, is that my parents would be happy and that i would be close to them. and that my parents would get along cause that really bothers me, sometimes thats the only reason i hate to talk them cause they always put me in the middle. I don't really know. But i wish my family life would get better. 

Friends, well sometimes i just don't know who i could actually call my friends anymore. Guy friends there easy to get along with. Way more easier, well i guess thats if you were a girl. But honestly girl friends, it's just to complicating. It's because all girls make everything complicating and yes i know because i am one as well. Everyones stubborn and its just a fact. Earlier today i got asked a question.. who are your best friends. And most times i could answer that in less than a heart beat. But today it took me awhile to, i was pretty shocked myself. And it made me think.. everything has changed. Honestly in a way i do miss my best friends and yeah i would like to make that a change but at the same time i really don't care anymore. Because i know who i am, and i know what I'm doing. And yes i know that ever since i started dating my boyfriend that i've had no time. But that doesn't make any difference. Because if they really wanted to have time to hang out they would of asked, and not just always assume that I'm busy with him. And so yeah, if they go and make plans without me, its not like you can just go invite your self, right? Yeah and so i'll just wait.. and if it doesn't work out. Then its a good sign that they really weren't a good friend in the first place. 

Im making a change in my life. Im going to stop feeling sad for myself, because yeah so what i have a sucky life. I know in the end i'll be ok. And if Im not ok, then i guess its not the end.