hakuna matata

not everything in life is fair. well nothings really fair. life has been so difficult lately. all the bad news going around. i've been so frustrated lately.. and i can say it has been very hard to deal with. but i believe with positive attitude things could change. i think that no matter what happens in the end it will all be okay. no matter how much pain you feel, in the very end of everything you'll be okay. my week has just about started, just yesterday i was loaded with horrible news, had the biggest headache, and just about everything was turning bad and as soon i woke up this morning there was more bad news, and i don't think it's quite over yet. but i think it'll all be okay. because it just came to me. all of a sudden i realized that in the end i will be okay because i have God with me all day everyday. and i know he doesn't want any of this happening and he's trying to make it better. God gives you the strength, so you can beat whatevers in your way, its just your choice if you want to use it or not.

hakuna matata <3

frustration.

These days I'm just so frustrated, with everything really. Family, friends, boyfriend. It's like everyone likes to make everything more complicated as it seems. The are many things i don't understand, and there are things i will never understand. Like for example, why people act the way they do. Or why people like to do bad things, even if they know its bad. But i think the answer to those questions are because it makes them happy. 

There are a lot of things people in this world do that i wouldn't completely agree on. During this past week, well starting friday actually. I realized that i should be very thankful for all the things i do have in my life. Well i don't mean i actually realized that i should be thankful, but i meant it like it came back to me to think about. I thought about everything i had, that people don't get to have. Things i get to know, that people don't. Things that make you a better person. I learned that if you never do anything bad, for one you really have nothing to worry about. And another is that you should always be thankful everyday for everything. And who should you thank? We all should thank God, for everything. 

But on the other note.. On my life bases. For one family, if i could want one thing it would be a family. I mean i know that i do have one, and sure i am thankful. But what do you have from a family whose never there, ever. Who can you call Dad when he's never here and you have to call him or text him to talk to him. And a Mom you can talk to once in a while, and the only think she thinks is that your just using her. What's a brother when you can't talk to them. What's a family when you can't even talk to one another. I hate it. I honestly do. If everything could change the way i would like to see it, is that my parents would be happy and that i would be close to them. and that my parents would get along cause that really bothers me, sometimes thats the only reason i hate to talk them cause they always put me in the middle. I don't really know. But i wish my family life would get better. 

Friends, well sometimes i just don't know who i could actually call my friends anymore. Guy friends there easy to get along with. Way more easier, well i guess thats if you were a girl. But honestly girl friends, it's just to complicating. It's because all girls make everything complicating and yes i know because i am one as well. Everyones stubborn and its just a fact. Earlier today i got asked a question.. who are your best friends. And most times i could answer that in less than a heart beat. But today it took me awhile to, i was pretty shocked myself. And it made me think.. everything has changed. Honestly in a way i do miss my best friends and yeah i would like to make that a change but at the same time i really don't care anymore. Because i know who i am, and i know what I'm doing. And yes i know that ever since i started dating my boyfriend that i've had no time. But that doesn't make any difference. Because if they really wanted to have time to hang out they would of asked, and not just always assume that I'm busy with him. And so yeah, if they go and make plans without me, its not like you can just go invite your self, right? Yeah and so i'll just wait.. and if it doesn't work out. Then its a good sign that they really weren't a good friend in the first place. 

Im making a change in my life. Im going to stop feeling sad for myself, because yeah so what i have a sucky life. I know in the end i'll be ok. And if Im not ok, then i guess its not the end. 

everlasting.

Sometimes i wonder why i live in the life i live, i don't understand why i've been chosen to live in this kind of life. is it supposed to make me a strong person, is it supposed to make me a smarter person. these things i just don't understand at times. maybe because I'm young and things all don't make sense to me. but then i do understand God made my life the way it was supposed to be, without any of my input or anything he made my life the way he knew it was supposed to be. So everyday I'm going to pray to him, and ask him for my purpose in life. What I'm supposed to be living for. Cause everyone in life, has a reason for living. Nobody lives for just no reason. Everyone has a reason. 

on the other note.. 

Tonight for the first time in my life, i had a talk with my brother and i realized so many things. besides my whole life is changing, i realized that everything is different now, and nothing ever will be the same. He told me things that made my thoughts more clear. We had a talk without arguing. And for the first time ever he told me that he loved me.... you know i really don't like it when people tell me they love me. It hurts actually..i don't understand why, but it just does. It makes me all sad and stuff. But what i hate the most is that, your parents, your grandparents, anyone you could trust before, you can't really. Or maybe its just me, i know that i can't trust anyone and that i can't depend on anyone. Thats why i learned that the only people i can depend on is God and myself. That's it. Life goes, you have to learn from everything thing that goes on, and then use it to move on. 

God gives you everlasting love. <3