alive

boys, geez they drive me crazy.  you could be ending up doing something you never would of thought just because of one guy. i lost my head, and finally i got it back and I'm putting my life back on track. for the first time in a very long time i felt alive. 

it was last weekend, i was at a friends birthday party and i felt so happy. and i missed that feeling, i couldn't stop laughing it was wonderful. i felt great even going home. i realized that it is hard to move, but if you keep trying you'll get through just fine. i mean i still have many problems either its family, friends. but i believe one day it'll be okay. and if its not okay then its not the end. i'll tell myself the things i need to hear, i'll keep my chin up. and try not to break down. because i know that i can do it. i can make it through life. even though there are times when i just want to kill my self. but i know there's something worth living for.

and with all the boys, gosh i don't know. i think for now i'll just stick with my secret crush boy. and to surprisingly to say i think for now or for good i think I'm finally over boy. but i don't want to speak to soon... thats about it. i don't know. 

   god is good.  love, n.yoon

oh dear.

Dear God, 

Give me the strength, courage, patience, & trust to fall in love with you first, before i fall in love with anyone else. 

love, ninayoon<3

nothing left

everyone always told me friends before family, but what if your friends are the only family you got?

doesn't mean anything

I used to think have it all, everything was just right. you and me. me and you. thats all that really mattered to me. but now its over.  and sometimes all i want is for us to go back, for everything to turn back around. you made me so happy, the thoughts the feelings everything. i wish you were here, i wish i took the chance when you tried, so i guess its really not your fault. i guess i do thats a lot. i give up when i shouldn't. i also shouldn't have pushed you away. its you that i want. i miss you every single day. i wish just that one day you might come back. i know i shouldn't be doing this, i know i shouldn't be wanting you back. and i honestly don't know why. i cant move on right this moment, i try but how can i like someone if i cant stop thinking about you. but now that your gone.. i guess it doesn't matter what i do. or if i even try. it doesn't mean anything...

love kills, slowly

This choice i made was hard. I guess its not easy letting you go. Everyone tells me that its simple but its really not. It's kind of like losing a best friend that you never had. Its like every other day i miss you, and then every other day im glad im not with you anymore. One thing that makes me miss you the most is the fact on how much you try to win me back again, but i honestly just dont understand why..and you never want to tell me why. You always leave me heartbroken and then i end up chasing back for you again. It's  stupid, i know and  I'm sick and tired of it. Cause when i try you don't, and when i give up you try. You make me feel in the most saddest ways, and its hard cause i cant talk to anyone about you but you. Because it's difficult, it's confusing, it's just you. We've be through a lot, we had a lot of ups and downs and i guess now we can both just look back to those memories and try to call this whole thing a good learning experience. I can never hate you, and i will sure miss you mostly everyday of my life and forever i will love you. So thanks i guess forever. 

"It's not good to wipe your emotions on you sleeves."