you just need to try.

in life if you want something you have to try. i always knew that but i never really took it in until today... 

so i was taking a nap, and then i suddenly woke up and thought it was the morning and that i had forgot to do all my homework. and oh geez i had a lot. and i knew i had to do it or else my grade would drop. but when i got up i realized it was still that same night. and i only slept for an hour. and so i ate dinner and sat and did my homework. which was surprise i did with out procrastinating.. but my mind actually was, so while i was doing my homework i thought of other stuff i didnt really look into. like the fact that boys are just boys. 

so like at school there's this guy and i thought he was pretty cute, but i really thought he was a freshman and since i would never date anyone younger than me. i just said whatever and forgot about everything. but then today i realized he was a senior and then someone said they were going to talk to him for me and stuff. and i said okay whatever. but then i realized that in a way i do want a boyfriend, but i want that type of guy i could be totally myself. and we can just act like really good friends. still joke around and everything but he's just yours. you know? ah maybe im just crazy. but who knows. thaaats it. i need to focus on my school right now.. real talk. 

peace love and chapsticks. 

xoxo, nina yoon <3

falling down.

it all just doesn't make sense to me, i never really cared about him like this before. i never really cared that we didn't again. but today when he walk through the doors, it felt like my heart sank. i felt like something big was missing inside me. i don't know what it is. i feel like i fell for him. but i don't want to. when he laugh it's just so cute! but I'm still scared what if i lost my chance, what if i never get to see him again, what if tonight god gave me what i always asked for, my one chance to see him so i could change everything. but i didn't take it, i just let it go. i feel heartbroken, i feel empty, i feel like I'm losing my head, i feel angry. sometimes i feel like i try so hard, but none of my efforts are important to anyone. I'm tired of trying to fix this friendship that never really happened. and yeah why do i try, if i know if i know in the end I'm just going to fall down. i don't know, at least i tried right?.... 

i thought it was all over, the guy drama... the son of the king is gone, and i was happy because even though i felt alone and sad at times, i was healed. but then tonight came. and i don't know what happened. oh god if you could just set me in the right path, the path i should go in. if you could only put my mind in the way you think it should be going. god i need you to help me! i just keep falling...