falling down.

it all just doesn't make sense to me, i never really cared about him like this before. i never really cared that we didn't again. but today when he walk through the doors, it felt like my heart sank. i felt like something big was missing inside me. i don't know what it is. i feel like i fell for him. but i don't want to. when he laugh it's just so cute! but I'm still scared what if i lost my chance, what if i never get to see him again, what if tonight god gave me what i always asked for, my one chance to see him so i could change everything. but i didn't take it, i just let it go. i feel heartbroken, i feel empty, i feel like I'm losing my head, i feel angry. sometimes i feel like i try so hard, but none of my efforts are important to anyone. I'm tired of trying to fix this friendship that never really happened. and yeah why do i try, if i know if i know in the end I'm just going to fall down. i don't know, at least i tried right?.... 

i thought it was all over, the guy drama... the son of the king is gone, and i was happy because even though i felt alone and sad at times, i was healed. but then tonight came. and i don't know what happened. oh god if you could just set me in the right path, the path i should go in. if you could only put my mind in the way you think it should be going. god i need you to help me! i just keep falling...