oh dear.

Dear God, 

Give me the strength, courage, patience, & trust to fall in love with you first, before i fall in love with anyone else. 

love, ninayoon<3

nothing left

everyone always told me friends before family, but what if your friends are the only family you got?

doesn't mean anything

I used to think have it all, everything was just right. you and me. me and you. thats all that really mattered to me. but now its over.  and sometimes all i want is for us to go back, for everything to turn back around. you made me so happy, the thoughts the feelings everything. i wish you were here, i wish i took the chance when you tried, so i guess its really not your fault. i guess i do thats a lot. i give up when i shouldn't. i also shouldn't have pushed you away. its you that i want. i miss you every single day. i wish just that one day you might come back. i know i shouldn't be doing this, i know i shouldn't be wanting you back. and i honestly don't know why. i cant move on right this moment, i try but how can i like someone if i cant stop thinking about you. but now that your gone.. i guess it doesn't matter what i do. or if i even try. it doesn't mean anything...

love kills, slowly

This choice i made was hard. I guess its not easy letting you go. Everyone tells me that its simple but its really not. It's kind of like losing a best friend that you never had. Its like every other day i miss you, and then every other day im glad im not with you anymore. One thing that makes me miss you the most is the fact on how much you try to win me back again, but i honestly just dont understand why..and you never want to tell me why. You always leave me heartbroken and then i end up chasing back for you again. It's  stupid, i know and  I'm sick and tired of it. Cause when i try you don't, and when i give up you try. You make me feel in the most saddest ways, and its hard cause i cant talk to anyone about you but you. Because it's difficult, it's confusing, it's just you. We've be through a lot, we had a lot of ups and downs and i guess now we can both just look back to those memories and try to call this whole thing a good learning experience. I can never hate you, and i will sure miss you mostly everyday of my life and forever i will love you. So thanks i guess forever. 

"It's not good to wipe your emotions on you sleeves."

sometimes

you know how you sometimes have those days where you just dont know where you are. or where you should be or where your going . your clueless, you just dont know.

random thoughts

well i havent been blogging in a while because i had no internet at home since i got back. so i hadnt had the time to. but nothing much has been going on since i got back. nothing to exciting. 

schools in about 3 weeks.. gee summer went by too fast. but besides all the homework, i cant wait for school. i dont know why. well im currently eating coffee cake and chocolate milk. waiting for time to pass. happy to say i ended everything with PC. oh geez. story of my life. no j-k. but yeah i felt so stupid, thinking about it. well so no more eye camping! geeeez we all suck. but anahi and i are planning a trip to wild waves! hopefully its sunny. and hopefully we can go monday. cause sad to say this would be are last eye event all together. its sad but slowly everything and everyone seems to be going there own ways. i remember we used to be like best of friends always hang out everyday. sitting at jack in the box for 2 hours. haha oh geez those were some good days. and all those are over. fast food is bad, ew. i think last summer was better, but i cant say that this summer was bad because it was pretty awesome. except i didnt hang out with old friends. and im really trying to do that before summer ends. i dont know why. the reasons i write these blogs is because later on i can look back and see whaat good i was up to! haha yuuup yuup. ohh i cant wait til i get my laptop, thats one good about school, you get a laptop. so well this is a random blog, because i dont know i just felt like writing. oh its half way until my birthday. but i dont really like my birthday it always seems to be horrible. every year, since my dad stop saying happy birthday to me. it might not be that big of a deal but still i dont ask for anything except him to just say happy birthday to me. but that never happens he just pretends its just another day..... so besides all that last night at EM we watch a movie, and then i saw a miracle it was pretty amazing i might say. you know sometimes i have this feeling like i want to scream my lungs out and just break out crying in the middle of no where or just run and run and never look back. but i dont know where im running in to and dont know where im going. what path my life is going into. i dont know. i just dont understand whats going on in this world sometimes. everything just happens to fast...  

the best things in life are FREE. 

love's free <3

ninayoon