believe.

I believe that god has given me this kind of year because he knew i could handle it. i think it was so i learn from my mistakes and learn a bunch of new things. i do admit a lot has happened through out the year, good and bad. And i've learned so much! whether its with my family, friends, boys, anything. I could say that i have became a stronger better person. 

I seem to always have problems with family, i don't understand it either do i enjoy it..I HATE IT. Ever since i was a little kid, all i ever wanted was just the so called "perfect" family, but its not always happily ever after is it. Whatever I'm still young, and i believe that as i get older, one day everything will turn around and it'll all be okay. We'll all be okay. 

Today while i was taking a shower i heard this song i haven't heard in a long time "runaway love" and i realized that I'm very grateful that i have a church that i can call family, somewhere i can be transparent to the people around me, people i can call my brothers and sister. And so i thought if you can't be yourself at church with god, where can you be.. i sure don't know. So I'm so thankful that i have a place where I'm loved by people i can call my family. 

Oh and boys, well someone once told me that girls and guys are two totally different people. They will NEVER be able to understand each other, because they both go through different things, and i believe that. I mean you can know them so well, but that doesn't mean you totally understand them, you just never really know what they actually mean. And i think at my age they shouldn't really matter to you at all, its not like your going to get married with them, so what's the point of getting all worked up about it...right? Why should you sit on your couch eating a tub of ice cream, watching a movie and crying, just because of a boy. I mean i don't say that i won't ever be sad over something and i don't get the point either, I'm still trying to figure it all out myself. I'm lost and confused as well. Boys just give you mixed emotions and you just fuss and stress about it. But really it all ends in the end. And thats it, your left with the memories, so for now i want to take a break. Focus on church, school, family, friends, my life. And thats it.