Holidays

Today is christmas eve, i bet everyones excited for tomorrow. Me? Well not really, Christmas is just like another day. For me christmas used to be about spending time with your family, it was that one day out of 365 others days that your whole family got together and spent the whole day together. I cant remember one christmas i had like that. For once in my life, i would like one day were i could have a good christmas, but i know its not this year. But one day, it will happen i know it. 

Other than that i have no spirit in christmas, I'm just rather not in a good mood today. I don't know, there's just to much going on in my mind. Im getting sick, Im tired, I have to finish packing. Everything is so complicated. Hopefully, before this break ends everything will be okay. My wish for now is that this year i will have a good birthday. Usually i tend not to care anymore, cause birthdays are just a day were you just get older! But this year i turn 16. Woohoo right.. yeah hopefully that day doesn't end up being a bad one. Who knows..Happy Holidays. 

God is love<3 

insanely crazy.

Today i came home early from school, and i was going crazy.. why? Well i don't know really, honestly I'm still trying to find out myself. For some weird crazy reason i kind of wanted to just stop going to school, maybe just drop out. Then i started fussy and fighting with myself, maybe Im going completely insane.. who knows.

 But then i had a really good talk and realized that I'm a very strong person, but i always let little things get in my way and mess everything up. But this time I'm not going to, I'm putting my foot down and saying no. I really just need to focus on what's really important to me. Church, School, Family, Friends. And maybe other stuff but to me your not that important. And i don't want to struggle with your problems anymore, i know i say this all the time but i need to stop. I moved on and that's the way i want to stay. And next time even if they ask me, i would say i don't even know your name. And tomorrow i will be attending school for the whole day. lucky me! (: 

Everyone leaves...

I miss you so much! Each and everyday when i go home your not there, and either is he. I know I'm growing older and i should be okay. But i feel terrible every single day. I been even though sometimes i could be mad at them so much i still loved them. My whole life it was just me you and him. But now it'll never ever be the same. Thinking about it, its life and come to realize it today and think about it just now i'll never get that chance again. I guess everyone was right, you only get one chance in life and if you mess up your only chance you'll never get it back. And sometimes i feel like i messed it all up! And for my brother and my dad I love you guys very much, no matter how much i dislike you guys at times. I LOVE YOU GUYS!

I Don't Know Anymore

I don't know where i am anymore, I fell like I'm losing my head. Things seem more complicated than it sounds. I'm losing touch to my closest friends, i never wanted any of this to happen and for some weird reason i just don't seem to understand why that is. I want to go back in time where everything was alright. Or go forward in time to where everything works out. 

Honestly to say, sometimes in life i feel like I'm alone.  There's no one out there i could talk to. But then again maybe its just me. I'm tired of making excuses that I'm alright when I'm not, cause the truth is that I miss my parents by brother. I miss having a family. Its like every time i call my mom or my dad i end up crying, i hate it so much but as much as i feel so upset inside i have to let them know that I'm okay. 

I miss my best friends, i miss talking to them all the time. I miss spending every weekend with them, I miss always hanging out at the REC with them. Maybe its just high school and we're all supposed to go different ways, but i want it like no matter what way we go that we'll still be friends. Because i don't know how it'll be if we weren't friends. We've been friends for a couple of years now and you became one of my best friends, but some of these days i feel just so different. I don't know what to do, cause i feel like I'm trying... But then i feel like I'm failing... I don't know why. 

Sometimes i just want to scream, yell so loud that the whole world can hear me. Sometimes i want to cry and fill up a ocean. Sometimes i just want to get away with the world, but it keeps coming back at me. Life's hard, but no one ever said it was easy. I just want to be happy, but maybe thats to much to ask for. 

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.-Helen Keller

Giving Thanks! <3

I know thanksgiving was yesterday, but i had no time yesterday so today since i have so much time I'm writing my thanks! Lets start... 

First off my wonderful PARENTS!

Well I'm very glad they had me otherwise i wouldn't be here. I'm thankful that even though there has been a lot going on lately and neither of them are here with me, they still try very hard. Nothings the same with out them, and even though i get mad at them at times for not working things out and I'm always in the middle of everything, i still love them very much! And I'm always thankful for my STEP-PARENTS, even though there not my very own parents there still my parents in one way or another. They both try hard and i appreciate that very much even though at times i don't show it. I love everyone them very much! <3

My weird annoying loving BROTHERS!

I can first off say it has been very different without both of them here, even though there really only my half brothers i don't think of them any different, they have both always been there and we've all been through the same things. I miss them both very much each and everyday. But I'm thankful that i can still talk to them and that no matter what they'll still be in my life. And I'm thankful that i have brothers and that my brothers are mine. 

My amazing COUSINS, AUNTS, UNLCES, GRANDPARENTS!

The rest of my amazing family, well lets see I'm very thankful that i have a caring, loving, wonderful family. There always there for me when i need them, they try hard to see me and i appreciate that. They all teach me to do good things and not bad, even though there are times where we could all me mad at each other i could never hate them, i love them all so much and miss them every single day as well. Sometimes i feel bad for not keeping in touch as much as they try, but I'm thankful that no matter what there still there for me! And I love them all! <3

Hmm, my awesome, super best friend JESERENE! 

Im very glad and thankful that i have a very awesome super best friend like her! There maybe many times where we could get annoyed of each other or mad, but in the end she's always there! She's always there for me, always willing to listen to what i have to say and even though when she tells me somethings bad and ask me not to do it and i do, she won't be mad at me forever and as long as I'm happy she'll be happy for me as well. She's funny, weird and she's my super best friend! (: And i l.o.v.e. her! <3

My also fantastic, caring, sister-ish, best friend ANAHI!

Well well Anahi is like a wonderful sister i never asked for, well actually i always wanted a sister and ended up with 4 brothers, maybe thats why god gave me an fantastic best friend whos like a sister to me! Im very thankful that she's in my life! No matter what we go through i know she's always there for me! Even though i feel as if right now in life somethings going wrong with us, but I'm pretty sure we can fix it. But other than that she's amazing and so caring. She is very nice and always so generous to others and even though sometimes i pick on her she doesn't hate me, and I'm very glad that she's in my life today! And i also L.O.V.E. her! <3

Oh the marvelous, outstanding GPC! 

Im very thankful that i go to GPC, i wouldn't want to be at any other church that this. Everyone in GPC is all like family to me, every single one of them. People there are so loving and caring. When I'm there i feel safe, loved, and cared for. All the youth are wonderful there like brothers and sisters to me! It's always so much fun hanging out with everyone there. The EM are also very amazing people, i never met such funny people, i love everyone at GPC. It's like no matter what they'll always be there for you in trouble times or in anytime. So I'm very very thankful that i have my church and the people in my church! I love them all very much! <3 

Even though this person goes to my church he's just spectacular, ALLEN!

This boy is like a brother to me, we've been friends for a long time and I'm very thankful that still today he's in my life, even though we do fight and argue about stupid things and get mad at each other at times. Were still really good friends! I can always tell him things, and make jokes with him as well. He has always been there for me, he saved my life when i almost fell off a cliff, and just always been there for me no matter what, he never left me in trouble times. He is a wonderful guy, a nice loving caring brother like friend! And i could say i love him as well! (:

Ooops I almost forgot about my fabulous, funny, weird, great friends, RECHIE & STEFAN!

Hahaha oh geez, I'm very thankful that these two guys are a part in my life. They make my schools days just so bright and cheerful! Even though sometimes one's a little weird, haha it's a joy to have them around. Even though we've just started to get close this year! There wonderful, there ALWAYS willing to listen to everything and anything. I love hanging out with them cause i always have a good time. They always know how to make someone laugh and its wonderful, i think my life might be a little boring without them, but i wouldn't have to worry cause there in my life now! And I'm very thankful! (:

There are a lot of others I'm thankful for! 

And if i didn't write about you, I'm sorry! 

But if your in my life, THANK YOU! 

dislike

The kind of people i dislike the most are the type of people who will judge and hate someone that they don't even know, and even more than that is people who don't know how to speak up especially speaking up for your friend. If you can call someone your friend you shouldn't let someone else start talking sh*t about them and you just sit there and just agree because thats just like a backstabber. Which could describe you. 

“i’m a slut because i’ll wear shorts and a tank top. I’m a bitch because i don’t let you push me around. I’m a liar because i won’t tell you everything. I’m stupid because sometimes i’m wrong. I’m ugly because my face isn’t perfect. I’m a whore because i like boys. I’m annoying because i’m not chill enough. I’m a loser because i’m not friends with your group. I’m fake because most of the time i’m happy. I’m weird because i’m not like you. I’m controlling because i get mad. Sometimes i’m clingy because i like being around people. I’m greedy because i like to be satisfied. I’m naive because i’m younger than you. I’m conceited because i’m proud of who i am. I’m rude because my manners aren’t perfect. i’m unappreciative because i don’t praise you. Don’t tell me who i am because i already know.”

And just for your information I ain't that easy. Guys may look at me and think that I fall fast but no, correct yourself. I'm much more complicated than you think and I won't let that go. I'm not playing hard to get but I won't lower my standards just cause you're kinda cute. Now who the heck do you think you are? You ain't gonna tie me down.